1. Magnets shaped like Goldfish or gummy worms, to really capture the magic of your kitchen (the place where the snacks are).
2. A book of judgy fish stickers in case you need even more side eye in your life.
3. A "Bling Thing" calculator with rhinestone buttons offering a new definition for "girl math."
4. A pair of plush slipper socks to keep your paws nice and warm.
5. A fun and beautiful board game where the point of the game is basically to become a thriving forest. *wistfully stares out of the window*
Basically you're growing trees. Each player starts with two. The trees absorb light and get light points, which can be used to disperse seeds. There is a "sun" rotating around the board, so players have to time and position everything properly to get the most sunlight.
Promising review: "Don't be fooled by the beautiful artwork, or the adorable little illustrated animals hidden within the components, Photosynthesis is a vicious abstract strategy game, and it's probably the best use of thematic gameplay for any tabletop game in 2017, worthy of being equated with other top tier uses of theme in designing gameplay, such as Shadows Over Camelot, Blood Rage, and just about anything produced by Fantasy Flights." —Paul Bulger
Get it from Amazon for $38.95.
6. Journal stamps that add some extra structure to your agenda. The 18-piece kit comes with various designs that'll allow you to add the days of the week, star ratings, reading lists, and more.
7. An eye-catching tabletop lighter shaped like a jelly mold that even comes with a little hidden tray underneath.
8. A bead-filled weighted eye mask that offers gentle pressure while blocking light. It's helped over 4,000 happy reviewers get decent shut-eye.
9. Japanese Utility Knife shaped like a whale. I dare you to look into this tool's eye and not fall in love.
10. A "Ball Boy" candle made in collaboration with Prince and Vacation Sunscreen. The soy wax candle has "notes of freshly-uncanned tennis balls, Prince cotton sweatbands, Vacation sunscreen, and courtside cucumber sandwiches." Reviewers say it smells like playing tennis in Miami.
11. A floating cabana so now any pool can have a swim-up bar. The nearly 6-foot-long inflatable offers shade, drink holders, and places for your ice or ingredients. With such a legit setup, I wouldn't blame you if you charged your guests for drinks.
12. A pack of six giant catnip joints so you can get high with your cat. That's everyone's dream, right?
13. A keychain shaped like a classic Ikea bag sure to either bring back fond memories of eating Swedish meatballs or horrible flashbacks to melting down in the outrageously long checkout line.
Get it from Amazon for $5.40.
14. A sullen cat candle worth hanging out with on your bad days because misery loves company.
All candles are hand poured and handmade in Toronto, Canada.
Promising review: "I bought one of the cat candles from here for my friend’s birthday, and oh my gosh… I didn’t realize how adorable candles could be!! Beautifully made, lovely scent, and very cute packaging! I especially love the little freebie candle that came with my order; I’ll definitely be keeping that one for myself. 😉 Thanks so much! 💕" —Madison
Get it from KikiCandlesca on Etsy for $12.10+ (available in 23 colors and 16 scents).
15. An infectious disease coloring book oozing with hours of gross relaxation. This purchase is nothing to sneeze at.
It has over 35 pages filled with icky stuff like flesh-eating bacteria and parasitic worms.
Get it from Amazon for $9.86.
16. A pair of socks featuring Kevin spilling chili that you can look at for comfort whenever you think you had a day.
Get them from Amazon for $14.95 (available in three colors).
17. A simple black mug with an important secret message that reveals itself when you add a hot drink.
18. An ironic Dracula garlic crusher ready to mince several cloves with a simple twist of his head. I'd wager this is easier to clean than a traditional garlic press AND it's cute.
This little blood-sucker is 100% food-safe, BPA-free, and dishwasher safe!
Promising review: "I was getting very tired of the garlic presses that turn garlic into a mush and require incredible force to mash the clove into unrecognizable oblivion. This is far easier and turns the garlic into pieces rather than mush." —C. Pearlman
Get it from Amazon for $24.95.
19. Sponges that look like quaint embroidery, despite their blunt messages. It even comes with a suction cup frame for storage!
It comes with four sponges with different cross-stitch designs, a frame, and suction cups. Warning for language prudes: Some of the messages include curse words.
Promising review: "I love these! Especially the frame it comes with, didn’t expect that. I gave some as a gift and my parents love them so much they don't want to use them." —honest reviewer (:
Get it from Amazon for $19.55+ (available in PG- and R-rated version).
20. Kitschy oil and vinegar dispensers with a gravity-activated beak that spits out liquid as you pour. They also have measurements on the side — how convenient!
22. A burger bicycle bell for biking in the neighborhood or making late-night trips to McDonald's.
Promising review: "No, I didn't buy this for a kid. I bought it for my old self. And yes!! I absolutely love it! The housing is plastic but surprisingly sturdy. The bell sounds like a bike bell should, and hey, it's a burger — a favorite of mine after a long ride." —kim
Get it from Amazon for $13.49.
23. A trio of opossum finger puppets in case you wanna start a really weird barbershop quartet and need some backup.
24. A pair of cat paw oven mitts so you can feel like a little critter in a fairytale bakery.
Get them from Amazon for $12.59.
25. A mini claw machine that won't eat all your quarters in one go. While this isn't a good fit for young children (choking hazard), some adults use it as an elaborate pill holder!
26. A mystical wireless phone charger for anyone who prefers fantasy over the sci-fi reality we live in.
Magic = unexplained science! This spell circle works with iPhones 11 and up, and Samsung Galaxys S8 and up.
Promising review "Product works great, looks cool, gives my nightstand a bit of magical flair without being so ostentatious that it keeps me up at night unlike some other magic circle chargers. AFAIK the runes mean nothing, the only word I can make out along the outer circle is futharc, which is the name of the Norse rune alphabet and is comprised of the first six letters of said alphabet. Most likely the rest of the letters are merely the rest of the alphabet in sequence, the literal rune equivalent of 'ABCDEFG' and so on. Overall, a good find. I am satisfied." —Kevin
Get it from Amazon for $40.99+ (available in four colors).
27. A Homer Simpson sponge holder that recreates everyone's favorite reaction gif. It even comes with a little drain to prevent mildew, making it both funny and practical.
Get it from Geek3DbySean on Etsy for $19.99+ (with or without a suction cup).
28. A miniature baking set with everything you need to make mouse-sized meals.
The set comes with a storage tin, rolling pin, wee knife, pizza/dough cutter, mixing spoon, three wee spoons, mixing bowl, pizza/pie pan, pie server, sheet pan, silicone cake and cupcake molds, two silicone finger mitts, and 48-page recipe book. The recipe book comes with explanations on how the food chemistry works so it's great for newbie food scientists.
Promising review: "I gave this to my sister for Christmas and she immediately used it to make mini treats with the kids. They LOVE it! I just kept getting texts and pictures from them about how functional and FUN it is." —Leslie Palmer
Get it from Amazon for $28.99.
29. A ceramic diffuser shaped like a cute animal enjoying a nice soak. How relaxing!
Promising review: "It's the perfect size for personal use...because there are sensitive noses in my office, this is great for my desk. Love that I can diffuse oils for my personal consumption." —Patricia Ornellas
Get it from Amazon for $15.75 (available in two animals).
30. And Evian-themed slime that'll be refreshing to look at and rewarding to play with.
It's clear slime that comes with a mini toy Evian water bottle!
Get it from Amazon for $11.
Reviews for this post have been edited for length or clarity.